Day 2

Today I discovered the joys of protein shakes. Muscle Milk Light - Vanilla Creme arrived on my doorstep and I proceeded to tear open the box with childlike anticipation. All of my shake-making dreams would soon come true! I was so hopeful and naive. If I had only known then what I know now! What exactly does one do with 4 cups of strawberry/kale/almond/vanilla powder shake?

Day 1

I'm pretty sure black quinoa is made by a lone shaman in the shadows of the Piedra Lumbre. They call it the "night grain" and "sugar britches" in the high plains. But seriously, this stuff looks like the reaper's favorite summer salad topping. I wasn't sure what to do after purchasing it. Do you boil quinoa? Is it a seasoning? I had no idea.

By the grace of god the internet was invented and I asked St. Google to intervene on my behalf.
Lo, an article assured me that it would help me make the fluffiest quinoa ever. Things were going swimmingly. I had a pot! and water! and basic math skills! Any idiot could do this, right? No, gentle reader. No.